Friday, June 3, 2011

Stars will shine forever

Avag. I'm not sure what I can say. I know you're going to be fine I have no doubts about it. These 10 days are going to be one of the longest in my life. I'm not crying my eyes out because I'm afraid of what could've happened and I leave no room for "what could happen". I know there's nothing I can do or change but still... how I wish I was there. It would bring me some peace and ease for I feel guilty, guilty that I'm not behind the wall of your room. But I guess I'm not as good of a friend as I would like to be.

The day crawled to an end. People tried to distract me and make me smile. I did. But it was merely a smile on a doll. My eyes can't lie. And now I can stay alone with my thoughts and with myself. I couldn't believe it until I read your name in that forsaken article. They say I need to sleep. They are right... I can't go without sleep for 10 days and then some more.

I know what they are going to tell you - blame it on the bike and streets. But there have been plenty of dangerous activities that you did and that we did. You have a wild heart and thirst for adrenalin rush, for speed, for life. You don't like holding back and hitting the breaks. And that's how I know you, that's what you are.

The wait is the hard part. The feeling of powerlessness. We make fuss and haste to get ourselves busy and to feel that we can still do something, give some importance to little things but really it's just killing time. Approximately what I'm doing right now. We see it in movies and think "that person needs to go home and get some rest" yet when it comes to us we act exactly the same way.

Stars will shine forever... and I'm looking forward to seeing you and Niko at metroclub or irish pub this autumn and then walking home no matter how chilly it will be outside. And this all will seem so far away and it will feel like it was just a bad dream. I wish I could fast forward to those moments for right now the time doesn't want to move forward. I know you're going to be fine; there just is no other possibility. Maybe I'm far away but I can't think of anything else right now. Same goes without saying for Mary, Helen, my family. If only there was something I could actually do instead of grinding teeth and sitting in the dark typing all this.


I'm finally smiling. For real this time. I know everything is going to be alright. It's not even that i believe it, it's that I know so. There are so many people thinking and caring about you right now, and none of us have doubts. You are a tough kid, and you'll fight your way through, and shrug it off like it was nothing. I don't know how you are going to manage all the celebration that's going to come afterwards but hey you will definitely have fun and why not consider it sport extreme? I have no other words but "can't wait to see you!!!". Now get back on your feet, you, don't make me fly over there to kick your ass! Hang in there, we all are with you, Avag.

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